


Again and again (not)

by shallowsusceptibility



Category: Dark (TV 2017)
Genre: Internal Monologue, Internal Thoughts, S3 spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-30
Updated: 2020-10-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 18:35:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 808
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27281302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shallowsusceptibility/pseuds/shallowsusceptibility
Summary: An interpretation into the internal thoughts of Hanno before he became NoahOf Jonas after Hanno leaves(And a brief thought at the end from the Jonas that unties it all)
Relationships: Jonas Kahnwald & Noah | Hanno Tauber
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13





	Again and again (not)

When Hanno steps through Sic Mundus expecting to find with righteous fury where his daughter is - he knew, of course that Jonas would be Adam but, to come to grips with the sickening moment he made contact with his younger self…

Remembering and realising too late once he stepped foot into the tavern that this was the moment when his older self had first appeared and begun to interact with his younger self.

He can't speak even as his mouth opens, his throat is terse and tight. Conflicting emotions battle within his mind as his eyes are glued to the person in front of him. Hanno remembers moments ago for him when there was a face he recognised as Jonas that remained largely unscarred if just roughened with age.

His eyes are wet as they take in all the scars marked on the other's face and wonders of all the scarred flesh he knows must lie beneath the suit Adam, Jonas wears properly covering every inch of skin he can except his face-

Adam speaks for him. 

The memory of Adam as their mysterious to be worshipped leader when he was younger had all but faded into a blurry visage. For it to suddenly be renewed with such ferocious clarity in front of him that Adam is one and truly the same as the Jonas he had grown in the future with- the acknowledgement that Adam gives addressing the very first concern Hanno has in his mind (and the decades that has gone by and for Jonas to still remember even as Adam now-) the fiery rage he had arrived in here with was blown over and replaced with ice cold dread of what's to come. 

Adam hands him a Bible. Hanno knows this is the moment he becomes his older self, to lead his younger self, to become Noah truly in this moment to embark and bring things to fruition at last for paradise to come. He is asked if he is ready. Hanno steels himself and keeps his eyes locked with Adam's eyes.

Hanno cannot bring it in himself to speak at all but he takes the offered book with renewed faith, an unspoken sorrowful apology and regret he hopes is conveyed to the Jonas he had wrongly blamed and abandoned with Claudia and Elisabeth in the future just moments ago. That he hopes (knows) is inside the Adam that exists in front of him - just far more hurt, scarred, and full of- (as his own last parting words echoes in his own head:

I wish you all the suffering in the world.)

Suffering. 

Adam has turned Hanno to be Noah, and he thinks in ironic despair, he had influenced Jonas to become Adam. 

It is a cycle like Adam said, endlessly repeating - and this is the last cycle. 

Paradise will arrive. 

.

Jonas doesn't understand. He stares at the empty space where Hanno was just at, a breath's away screaming and strangling him. 

Charlotte was gone? 

This was the betrayal? 

Jonas finds Elisabeth in her sorrow soon after he can't feel the lingering pain and near death, an escape - freedom, his friend had offered him but gave him life instead. To suffer. 

He supposes he deserves this. He thinks of the future instead as he awkwardly holds Elisabeth as he is held on to for dear life and recalls when he was first hanged by her future self. 

If Hanno had left her alone as he just did, Jonas can understand how Elisabeth had come to that point, hoping for paradise to arrive. 

Hanging anyone who didn't believe and broke the rules.

Reminiscing of dying by hanging takes him back to his first attempt at killing himself only to have the rope of his noose cut by a younger Hanno. 

Jonas thinks the anger Hanno had shown him moments ago rivalled the anger of back then that painted the other boy's face (they had both just been boys- barely qualifying adulthood).

He recalls Hanno's stricken voice of disbelief, shocked anger and fear muddled in one. 

That Jonas wasn't allowed to die because he had promised him. Adam had promised him his paradise.

Claudia arrives soon after Elisabeth's tears have gone through his clothes and stuck to his skin. The older woman soothes the younger better than he could and he leaves them to it. 

He hears Hannoh's words Claudia repeats to Elisabeth as she signs slowly haunting his every footsteps that leads him further away from them: Paradise is free of pain and suffering. 

Everything we've ever done is forgotten there.

He has to stop all of this from happening again. 

He has to save them all. 

. 

For a moment Jonas wonders - as his not Martha stands with him and they're both dissipating into nothingness - if this was paradise if they had never existed at all.


End file.
